Stop Disappearing: Why Midlife Is the Time to Take Up Space

By Dr. Sarah Berg, Founder of Selfority

Somewhere along the way, we were told that midlife is when women start to fade.
Not overtly, of course — but it’s in the air we breathe.
It’s in the commercials that stop showing women our age.
It’s in the workplace that quietly reroutes opportunity elsewhere.
It’s in the unspoken understanding that when youth leaves, we’re supposed to step aside.

But I’m done with that story.

Because why should I disappear now — when I’m finally starting to understand who I am?

I spent years trying to be smaller.

I’d pull my curls into submission until they were almost straight, as if smoothing them out could somehow make me more acceptable. I’d wobble through life in four-inch heels, trying to elongate the inches I didn’t have. (I’m under five feet tall — a fact I spent most of my life trying to disguise.)

I thought blending in was safer. More professional. More… palatable.

But somewhere along the way — probably somewhere between motherhood, medicine, and menopause — I got tired. Not just tired like I need a nap, but tired of pretending to be anyone other than myself.

And now? I say “thank you” when someone compliments my big curly hair instead of finding a way to downplay it. I don’t apologize for standing next to someone and barely reaching their collarbone. I don’t round my shoulders or shrink myself in photos or conversations.

I’ve earned this version of me — and she takes up space.

I’ve also learned a little trick:
When I walk down the street, I almost play chicken with people.
For years, I was the one to step aside — always making it easier for someone else to move forward.
Now, I hold my line.
Not because I want to be defiant, but because I deserve to exist without apologizing for it.

And when I think about the world my children are growing up in, that matters.
I want them to see a mother who didn’t shrink when life told her to fade.
I want them to know this confidence didn’t just appear one day — I worked for it.

So when I hear people talk about menopause like it’s the beginning of the end, I want to shout:
No, it’s the beginning of being fully seen.

This isn’t the time to disappear — it’s the time to expand.
To take up the space you’ve earned.
To say no when something doesn’t fit.
To speak up even when it’s uncomfortable.
To finally stop apologizing for existing in the skin you’ve spent decades growing into.

Because I refuse to fade just when I’m finally in full color.

To every woman standing at the edge of midlife, hear me:
You don’t have to shrink.
You don’t have to step aside.
You don’t have to dim your light because the world hasn’t learned how to see it yet.

Take up space in your family, at your job, and in the world you helped build.
You’ve earned your voice — and it’s time everyone else heard it.

It’s not the end of your story. It’s the start of your era.