The Sentence I Heard in Nearly Every Pelvic Exam — and What It Revealed About Women’s Shame

By: Dr. Sarah Berg, MD

“I could never do what you do.”
It’s the sentence I heard most often in my years as a gynecologist.

Usually spoken softly, half-laughing, while I was in the middle of a pelvic exam.
It wasn’t about the work itself — it was about being seen.

The Subtext Behind the Small Talk

When a woman says, “I could never do what you do,” she’s not talking about the medicine.
She’s saying:

“I’m uncomfortable with this part of myself.”
“I can’t imagine anyone seeing it without judgment.”

And so often, it’s said as a kind of disclaimer — a way of signaling, I know this is unseemly. I know I’m unseemly.

But the truth is: there’s nothing unseemly about it.
I perform pelvic exams because women’s health matters.
Because your body deserves care and understanding — not shame and apology.

When Does the Shame Begin?

I’ve wondered this often.

My own kids are elementary-aged.
When they were toddlers, they couldn’t have cared less about what their bodies looked like. They were curious, confident, completely at ease in their skin.

But somewhere between bubble baths and middle school, that easy acceptance fades.
By ten, they’re already saying “Ew,” or “Don’t say that word.”

So I have to ask: When do we start believing that our bodies are something to hide?

How the “Ick Factor” Shapes Us

That same ick factor follows us into adulthood.
It shows up in the quiet discomfort of the exam room — in the nervous laughter, the apologies, the instinct to minimize.

And it doesn’t stop there.
When we feel ashamed of our anatomy, we disconnect from it.
We delay care. We stay silent about symptoms. We internalize that something about us is wrong.

That’s not just bad for health — it’s damaging to our sense of worth.

Breaking the Pattern

The only way out of this cycle is through conversation — open, unapologetic, and factual.

• Talk to your kids about their bodies with curiosity, not fear.

• Notice your own language — when you lead with “sorry” or “gross,” pause and ask why.

• Remember that seeking care is an act of respect for your body, not an admission of guilt.

Because your body isn’t something to apologize for.
It’s the vessel of your life — and it deserves compassion, not censorship.

Closing Reflection

Every time a woman told me, “I could never do what you do,” I used to brush it off.
Now, I see it differently.

That sentence isn’t about disgust — it’s about disconnect.
And the more we talk about it, the closer we get to changing it.

So maybe the question isn’t why women say it.
Maybe it’s how we can raise a generation who never feels the need to.

🌿 Ready to Feel at Home in Your Body Again?

If this resonated with you — if you’ve ever felt disconnected from your body or unsure where to start in understanding what’s happening within it — that’s exactly why I created my menopause courses.

They’re built to help you understand your body, reclaim confidence in what it’s doing, and replace shame with science.

✨ Explore Menopause, Explained  — my full 13-module masterclass — or start small with Menopause, Essentials , a curated 5-module foundation.
Because knowledge isn’t just power — it’s peace.

→ Learn More About the Courses 
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